oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
