We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
