woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
