physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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