My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you had me at cake vodka
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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