just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
