there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
