i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
