Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
