i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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