conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
