i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
