so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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