there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
