Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
