Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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