I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
