Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
