Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch