4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
