i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
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I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.