Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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