I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
