It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
