Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
