I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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