i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
