after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
