When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
