if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
