I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
