she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
