My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
