I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
