Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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