I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
