Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
