How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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