just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
