hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
