She is in my trunk
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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