I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
