my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
