Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity

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(847): just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity http://tfl.nu/hbyg

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid

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(215): So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling (215): on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid http://tfl.nu/4rn1

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(515): View more from Iowa

we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day

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(515): we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day http://tfl.nu/zvmb

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her

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(270): I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her http://tfl.nu/ank1

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(980): View more from North Carolina

I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.

(704): View more from North Carolina

oh, you finally did the dishes then?

(980): View more from North Carolina

No, bought new ones.

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(980): I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight. (704): oh, you finally did the dishes then? (980): No, bought new ones. http://tfl.nu/21up

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

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(609): Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class http://tfl.nu/440m

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(219): View more from Indiana

I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.

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(219): I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore. http://tfl.nu/bvdb

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(404): View more from Georgia

Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.

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(404): Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs. http://tfl.nu/4a67

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?

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(847): I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt? http://tfl.nu/o3a9

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?

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(908): Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good? http://tfl.nu/2d9n

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(248): View more from Michigan

Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.

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(248): Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins. http://tfl.nu/7yz7

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(862): View more from New Jersey

Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.

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(862): Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons. http://tfl.nu/bh45

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(719): View more from Colorado

As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.

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(719): As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF. http://tfl.nu/ti4u

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(330): View more from Ohio

I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.

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(330): I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs. http://tfl.nu/5zwg

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(770): View more from Georgia

I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores

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(770): I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores http://tfl.nu/zgxa

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