I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.