Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Houston, we have a blender
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
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He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong