I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.