so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.