Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
