Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
