There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
