is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
