Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
