i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
