On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
