I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
