Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
