I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just tell him i said nine months
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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