you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
