what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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