So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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