i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
