You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
