is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Do vagina's smell?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
