I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
