dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
