i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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