I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
