my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
