my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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