if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
