I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize