So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
