I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
