I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
