I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
