you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
