Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There's always time for handjobs
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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